Thursday, 29 July 2010

Woof: Chris Ft Lauderdale

You can see more of him on and here on Flickr.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

IC, SSC, RACK And Limits

Many times on many profiles you'll find people describe their attitude to kink, play, risk and safety. Recently I came across a new acronym I'd not heard of before - RACK, and it got me thinking about how we play, and our attitudes to it.

So lets start at the begining, a very good place to start. No, not Doh - but Informed Consent. This is incredibly important, throughout life everything we do has risks. Crossing the road, eating a sandwich, watching tv, going for a swim - all these have different risks. But we have decided we are happy with those risks, we know what they are and we have given ourselves consent to do them. Because we are aware of the risks that consent is kind of upgraded to Informed Consent.

So we know there are risks in our kinky play, and as long as we are aware of them we can give consent to take part.

That doesn't mean that you need to discuss an entire scene, document it, work out how man times you'll be flogged, how tight the bondage etc. The discussion and respect between the Top and bottom is critical, limits need to be discussed and agreed.

Limits are so important here, you can give Informed Consent for play, but you can put some footnotes to that consent with your limits. But there are several kind of limits, there are those that can be pushed that can form part of a very intense, powerful and memorable scene. A bottom may have only ever taken 20 strokes of a rubber / leather hybrid flogger and want to get to 25 or even 30. A top may not feel confident in really inflicting so much pain and discomfort - the Top's limit and confidence in the bottom needs pushing.

And then there are hard limits - these are so very important, they are absolute no discussion no-go areas. It may be anal play in any form, it may be anal sex without a condom, it may be caning. For example someone could take an incredibly hard leather flogging, but a cane / riding crop is a hard limit. Here the bottom has given their informed consent for floging but under no circumstances should a cane or similar be used. That is a complete breach of respect and trust.

So how can we describe how we play? The first and most common we see around is Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC). What we do must be safe - we don't want to put people in danger. Sane ... nothing stupid! And both / all parties involved have given informed consent.

However a lot of people would argue that a lot of kink play is by its very nature unsafe. And so RACK is becoming more popular - Risk Aware Consensual Kink. And I have to say I really like this, to my mind it is a
very clear upgrade from Informed Consent. Yes we are giving IC, but we are also acknowledging that the play we are getting into carries risks and we are grown up enough to recognise them and to be happy to partake in those activities. People jump off bridges with only a bit of elastic attached to them - some call it bloody stupid, those who do it call it great fun!

So how would you describe your play? Safe or with risk? If its the latter maybe think about becoming a RACK player.

On a final note, all too often I see two words on profiles that really make me a shudder ... "No Limits". Really? Are you sure? So I can come along, cane your arse and flog your back until it is covered in scars? Get about 50 guys to fuck you bareback knowing that there are at least ten with different STD's? Great - turn you into a really bad tranny and take you out about town. How about strapping you down into a bondage chair and taking a chisel to the tips of one of your fingers? "Don't be stupid, why would someone do that!" You sure - check out BME Video to see differently.

I cannot believe anyone actually has no limits, there are always limits to everything we do. And if you do say you have no limits ... be careful what you wish for! Castration is such a big turn on for a lot of people.

Woof: Leather

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Woof: Leather

Fire With Fire!

Just utterly utterly fabulous! Love it!!!

Monday, 19 July 2010

Tyler McCormick IML Speech

Reading through his IML speech again it's clear why he won, great speech and very moving. I was sat just behind his friends and brothers from his home town / bar ... the pride and emotion from them was just amazing.
"It is both an honor and a pleasure to be with my leather family tonight. In my heart, each one of you is a member of my family. You have helped me find my path. You have supported me unconditionally in my pursuits.

Marianne Williamson said it best “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us … As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I strive to be a light for others. I am open and honest which I hope helps others do the same. If you remember one thing, I hope that you will remember not to let fear limit you. Give of yourself and help those around you find their own power and road.

When I first transitioned I was told that I would never be accepted and that I would never be able to take my shirt off in public. My presence here as a proud, confident Leatherman is proof to the contrary.

I ask you to look into your heart, discover your greatest desire, and pursue it without fear. Strive to help those around you, the members of your leather family, to find their own paths. If we devote ourselves to providing the kind of unconditional support that I have enjoyed, we will make great strides in improving ourselves, our leather community and the world. Thank you.

Whirled peas!"

Tyler McCormick - IML Speech, 2010

Lederwerkstatt Berlin / Leather Workshop Berlin

I was having a clear out of my wardrobe yesterday ready and came across some flyers I picked up at IML. One of them really stood out, and having looked at their site quite rightly so! The front of the flyer has this image on it:

Along with the name and logo of the store. Just that image is enough to make me go weak at the knee's! A further inspection of their website and online store you get an idea that these guys really are making some of the highest quality leather gear around, and more importantly then that they are making some very original pieces!

Looking around the store I found this rather nice idea for an alternative harness that is multi-function!

Where can you get this cool stuff?

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Woof: Bear County

Breath Play

Last April I posted "Breath Play: Don't Do It Alone". If you've not read it, definitely worth it to realise potential consequences!

There is a very wise Leatherman and author called Jay Wiseman ... see what I did there. Who has written many books on sexuality, BDSM, Leather etc. I can definitely recommend his best selling "SM 101: A Realistic Introduction" (Available from Amazon UK | USA) for those who like to find out about aspects of SM play and safety.

There has long been an assumption that Jay's standpoint on Breath Play has always been "Don't do it". That isn't entirely accurate, but we will come back to that.

Breath Play is often seen as the ultimate taboo / edge play, or for some what separates those who just play and those who consider themselves Hardcore / Extreme players. In a lot of cases these are often the same people who insist on making everything butch by putting the word "man" in front of everything. But that is a whole other discussion for another day.

Many years ago I attended a talk by John Pendal (IML 2003) in London, it was about SM play etc, but Breath Play wasn't on the agenda. But the topic did come up in a question, I don't know what John's stance is on it, or indeed if it is something that he does. But his answer to the question was fantastic and in one sentence summed up the activity. I can't remember the exact line, but it was in effect 'I can do a two hour talk on it, and the first hour and 45mins will be about safety and the dangers.' And I think that sums it up so well - it isn't always about how you do it, but about how you don't do it and really and truly understanding the risks about it.

Breath play is one of the most dangerous aspects of BDSM play and it is something that is often fantasized about. Because it is so dangerous there is also relatively little discussion and information available about it. Most countries you can find Bondage classes / groups / demo's to go along to so that you can find out how to do it. For breath play ... nothing really exists.

And this is where it gets really dangerous, people can confuse fantasy with reality. In the fantasy there are no physical dangers, there are no risks, human error, unforeseen reactions or complications. So people don't truly understand what they are doing and that increases the danger by ten-fold, if not more.

And now there is something to read and look at to really understand and decide if this is something you want to do. Please read Jay Wiseman's "Closing Argument" On Breath Play and indeed his other writings on the subject. Is his argument "don't do it?", ermm its more complication then that - and it takes 50 pages to explain it.

As with all aspects of BDSM and life, read, research, understand, consider and be a Boy Scout (Be prepared!)

Oh and the picture of the biker, no relation to the post, it's just one of my fave pics!

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Bound Gods: Hotel Hookup

New from Bound Gods - and must say liking them! Nice to see something different and without Nick Morretti - not sure why, just not a big fan of him for some reason. Those first two pictures are two of my faves ... the first just has that anticipation, and the second just looks fantastic with the leather contrasting against the skin.

Sunday, 4 July 2010

Friday, 2 July 2010

Proud to be

This is the official Pride London greetings card, with 10% of all sales being donated to Pride London. Isn't that fabulous? You can find more about the card and more filthy cards on Dean Morris Cards.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

The Best Thing I've Read All Year

Sunday, April 30, 2000
For the Valley News (White River Junction, VT)

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Source: The Best Thing I've Read All Year

I love the internet!

You know no matter how weird your fetish the Internet will already have it covered. Sex with dragons? Done! Sex with cars? OMG - soo last century. Now how about dragons having sex with cars?

Check it out ... clearly very NSFW.